Why Housewives need Rough Sex

Last week I read this absolutely ridiculous article that a bitch blogger wrote about 10 things that a husband (aka her meal ticket) should not do. Personally I think that this bitch has unknowingly encompassed what is truly wrong with our bitches. The original article is here at this bitch magazine, along with bitches bitching. Be sure to leave a comment

1. Offer to "babysit" your own kids. When your 16-year-old neighbor does it, it’s called babysitting. When a parent does it, it’s called child care, and it lasts for at least 18 years. Get it?
Well if you had remembered to take the fucking pill in the first place this wouldn’t be an issue. On top of which even if we agreed to have rats its a bitches JOB to take care of them

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of a hard day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let’s face it: You’ve basically been sitting on your butt. That same smoke is coming out of our ears too-but we’ve cleaned the house, shuttled the kids around, run errands all over town and lugged grocery bags besides. When we say we’re exhausted, we are exhausted.
Yes, really commuting making money for YOU to spend, worrying about getting fired and dealing with the other idiot bitches in the office is way easier than you sitting on your fat ass watching Oprah. Wait you went out and bought groceries? OMG what a feat! What about the 15 times a day you call us and ask us to pick up whatever your bitch brain forgot!

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. Forgive us if we can’t work it up for this one. A new washing machine? Really? Can we get you some new snow tires?
Excuse me dear, I forgot that everything is about you. Rather than getting a useful item for the household we should spend our hard earned money on something shiny so you can show it to all your friends. I’ll remember that next time you bitch about the washing machine being broken.

4. Buy us the "cougar" perfume. Under our crew-neck sweaters may beat the heart of an untamed vixen-but most of us don’t want to smell like one. (Nice try, though.)
So first you bitch about getting something useful and now you bitch about getting something for you. Once again you can never make a bitch happy

5. Brag about your driving. This is supposed to let us know that ours isn’t so great. If my husband tells me one more time that he’s been "accident-free since 1978," I’m going to reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up.
Ah, my god! to suggest that we perhaps to do something better than you is abhorrent! Perhaps if you didn’t wreck the car trying to put makeup on at 60 miles an hour we wouldn’t suggest such things. In addition why indeed does she think causing a accident is an acceptable reaction. If I wrote the next time a bitch complains at me about housework I’ll slap the bitch across the face there would be outrage!

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. I don’t know whose fault this is (Food Network? Julie and Julia?), but every so often we get the idea that it would be fun to make stock and spend the day basting. If the result is less than earth-shattering, say something nice anyway.
So putting food in a microwave is trouble? Umm I thought you were supposed to actually be umm well…. Cooking! Your supposed to be doing this.

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. We know that the second you get into a department store you start to feel faint, but do us a favor and take the extra five minutes. Otherwise, you know who gets stuck with the returns?
Sorry but unlike bitches we don’t have a huge amount of time to waste. Deal with it.

8. Know it all, especially in public. Oh, honey. While you’re going on at length about whatever it is, we’re taking the temperature of the room, and we know everyone’s starting to fidget.
We do all know it all. At least compared to bitches

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. Sometimes getting a new cut goes well; sometimes it doesn’t. Usually we know the difference. Don’t rub it in.
Personally I couldn’t care how your haircut came out. My only questions are how much does it cost and how upset are you going to be when I cum in your hair.

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. Umm…it’s your house too, right? For now, we’ll give you the bronze. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you can pick up a gold.
See, lets go through this. You stay at home, we work. I don’t ask you to come to my office and do my work then why the hell should you expect the same? As a bitch loves to say its OUR money yet we make it. So yea its my house too, its just your job to clean the damn thing.

Let me add rule number 11 You should always treat your bitch like this.

From Fucked and Bound